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[10 May 2009|08:35pm] |
[private to self]
I truly am pathetic, in the worst sense of the word.
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[29 Apr 2009|02:16am] |
[private to self]
Goddamn it. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm in a relationship, I go to all my shrink appointments, I'm not on the meds anymore -- so why am I feeling like this?
It's not just the rejections and the wait listings, and it's not just having to ask Harvard if they'll let me defer a year (what the hell am I going to do if they don't? Is "I'm going to work, play house with one of my boyfriends, and try not to go crazy" even an acceptable reason for deferring a year?), but I don't know what it is past that? It's just... something isn't right.
"Gay and polyamorous. I must say, that is one combination shot from you that I did not see coming." Lovely, Mom. Thanks. Very encouraging.
[/self]
[Reagan & Carson]
So, this weekend. We aren't allowed to make elaborate plans.
[/G2S]
Two weeks later and not that anyone really cares, but Harvard.
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[15 Apr 2009|09:55am] |
( self. )
[Carson & Reagan]
I got wait listed. At Brown.
Who actually gets wait listed at Brown?!
added later: And I got outright denied at Pomona, of all places.
added later: I did get into Yale, though.
added later: And Princeton, U-Penn, and Dartmouth.
added later: I got denied from Notre Dame, wait listed at Columbia, Cornell, and U-Mich, and into Harvard.
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[09 Apr 2009|03:32am] |
I was trying to pick which of these I liked better to write about for a class assignment, but I don't think I can, and since I'll end up writing about something else, I feel like these deserve some recognition. So here's all of them.
( Neruda. )
( Lorca. )
( Leonard Cohen. )
( Shakespeare. )
[private to Carson]
It's not the talking we need to have, but: listen & read.
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[02 Apr 2009|03:06am] |
[private to Aster]
If you're not busy, I need to call upon your knowledge of who's who at this school for a few minutes.
[/Aster]
added later:
[private to Harmony]
Hey, so, first, I'm sorry Carson sort of went off on you after the last time we talked. He was just having a really crap week and it set him off a bit. Anyway, more to the point, someone sent Reagan a virus that's got his entire computer screwed over and constantly going to porn sites. I don't want to seem like I'm pointing fingers or anything, because I really don't think it's something you'd do, but do you know anything about it?
[/Harmony]
[private to Reed Anderson]
I know what you did, and it's not amusing. Get whatever you sent him off of his computer immediately and we won't need to take administrative action.
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[01 Apr 2009|02:46pm] |
T-minus two weeks.
[private to self]
Oh god, what if I don't hear from any of the schools? What if I do hear from them, but the letters are rejection letters or "Sorry, you got wait-listed" notices? What if I end up needing Mom's ridiculous year off idea because no one accepts me? What if they send me an acceptance notice, but it's not real, like San Jose State did to those poor kids? What if I don't get into Harvard? What if I do get into Harvard, but they don't accept the notion of me taking a year off? What if I get into Harvard, but something else goes wrong, with money or administrative insanity?
Oh god.
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[25 Mar 2009|08:45pm] |
( self. )
( Carson & Aster. )
"To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." ~ Sir Barnett Cocks
"Mighty hard to tell the people you love you’re a failure." ~ Laura Moncur
"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy." ~ Sir Isaac Newton
"The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all." ~ Jawaharlal Nehru
"To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
"My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular." ~ Adlai E. Stevenson
From here.
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[23 Mar 2009|05:23pm] |
[private]
This is ridiculous.
[/private]
[Carson & Reagan]
We're talking about this, but first we all need to chill out for a few days. On Thursday, at the pool, after swim practice and after I get a chance to shower, we're talking. If either of you don't show up, then we're going to talk at lunch on Friday, in Mr. Dennick's classroom, but, seeing as I'll be setting up for in-class presentation day, I'd really rather not do it then.
[/C&R]
[Eli]
Is communication any easier with having one boyfriend instead of two?
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[13 Mar 2009|10:22pm] |
There's been an odd amount of dissent going around about the senior trip but I, for one, am quite excited for this adventure to Norway and Sweden. It's not Toronto, like I wanted, but nevertheless. Now, it's not sun, beaches, and alcohol poisoning, but there are actually several redeeming points to consider about Norway. At the very least, the only real worries for anyone looking for that sort of fun are, "Where are the condoms?" and "Will I get arrested for lewd conduct if I get caught doing this?" The answer to the second is, "Probably, yes," but it's perfectly legal for everyone on the trip to enjoy himself thoroughly, as the universal ages of consent in Norway and Sweden are 16 and 15, respectively.
But, really, why go all the way to Norway/Sweden/Amsterdam just to have sex all the time? Not to say that enjoying yourself and your partner(s) isn't entertaining, because it surely is, but there are so many other things to partake in as well. Random exploring during free time is a good way to find potential fun stories to tell, or interesting photo opportunities. It's also advisable to go outside your self-imposed boundaries -- duck into alleys and down side streets; usually, that's where the most interesting curiosities are hidden, such as off-the-beaten path restaurants, local thrift stores, sex shops curiosities shops, and other things that fall outside the bounds of normal tourist fare.
Personally, I cannot wait to go to the Nobel Peace Center in Oslo. The thought of walking in the hallowed halls where so many great minds have walked before me is simple exhilarating, and I've heard that the architecture is enthralling. Oslo, as a major cultural center, has something to appeal to everyone, as does Bergen, although there is a bit more of a rustic bent there than in Oslo. Not really rustic in the Walt Whitman, roughing it sort of way, but the whole town is surrounded by mountains and the like so it obviously isn't quite as metropolitan as Oslo. I want to go to museums in both cities, myself, and everyone should at least try to get to the Viking ship museum. A little bit of medieval history never hurt anyone.
Carson, you are not making plans for anything to do in Geilo. None. You aren't making them because I already have, and I'll swear on anything that they won't disappoint.
( private to self. )
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[01 Mar 2009|05:10pm] |
[Reagan & Carson]
Oh my god, I am going to die.
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[24 Feb 2009|05:32pm] |
[Reagan & Carson]
My mother is being completely unreasonable.
What is it that makes women so good at being completely and utterly unreasonable?
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[14 Feb 2009|09:40pm] |
( private to self. )
[private to Reagan]
Do you think I'm a closet case?
[private to Aster]
Do you think I'm a closet case?
[private to Eli]
Do you think I'm a closet case?
[private to Harmony]
What the fuck are you playing at What's wrong with you Why did you give me a Robopet Seriously, why did you give me a Valentine, it's not like I'm NICE to you or anything Go away Go fall off a glacier and die
Nice "dog." Thanks.
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[13 Feb 2009|03:31pm] |
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As Aster has already pointed out, this year has the distinction of having Valentine's Day on a Saturday, ergo preceded by Friday the 13th. ( cut for length. )
Now everyone go enjoy the candy and the love.
added later:
[Goody-Two-Shoes Threesome]
We're convening in Reagan's room for something his suitemate might disapprove of, apparently.
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[11 Feb 2009|12:40am] |
[Private to Reagan]
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[10 Feb 2009|10:26pm] |
[Private to Carson]
Just... ignore how this play ends and focus on the part where Romeo's a good kisser.
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[03 Feb 2009|02:32am] |
[private to self]
I do not think that pot is supposed to work like this. We have another meeting on Thursday to monitor coming off the Prozac, and we're going to have to talk about this marijuana thing, because I'm not a fan. It's kind of bothersome, really. I don't like how my head feels.
[/self]
[private to Carson & Reagan]
...I don't think I'm going to repeat this experience ever again. I guess I'm relaxed, and I actually find Charlie the Unicorn funny right now, which is weird, but the pot smells awful, it gave me a headache, and all I could think about was how, just while I was hacking up a lung trying to smoke, Reagan's dad was going to show up, catch me, and my life was going to be miserable. He didn't and it's not, but that's not the point. ...I think I lost track of what the point was.
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[20 Jan 2009|08:19pm] |
[private to self]
Happy inauguration indeed.
Happy inauguration indeed.
My best friends went without me.
Happy inauguration indeed.
[private to Aster]
Look, I don't like you, and you don't like me, which is totally fair, because I don't like myself right now, but I really need help right now, and I really don't want to talk to Carson and Reagan because every time I do, they've gone and made more interpersonal drama that I don't understand, and, honestly, I like Eli more than you, but he would get me in trouble, and I can't have that, and, besides the risk of getting into trouble, it's not like it's EASY talking to someone who is just so OBVIOUSLY better than you are about random things like it's no big deal, even if he's so obviously
Hi.
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[07 Jan 2009|03:56am] |
[private to Aster]
Can we talk?
Also, your stunt? With telling EVERYONE about the reason we need to have a talk? Yeah, that got back to us and if I catch wind of you doing that ever again, I will have your balls bronzed and your head on a silver platter; do I make myself perfectly clear?
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[31 Dec 2008|12:17pm] |
[Private to Carson & Reagan Carson Reagan Aster Self.]
...I shouldn't be surprised that I can count my friends on less than half of my hand. This isn't anything new in the slightest.
I just wish someone could tell me how I'm supposed to tell them that I don't remember any of... whatever it was we got up to that night. Or that my meds got upped, as I was expecting they would, which shouldn't feel like as much of a failure as it does, but how am I meant to avoid seeing it as a failure? All I do properly amounts to... well, not that much, actually, but I can do work, but I apparently can't do it without being on enough Prozac to knock out a horse.
And then the Prozac doesn't even work.
Happy New Year.
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